Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
