Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
