Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
