Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I party with great urgency now.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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