How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
