is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
