i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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