I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
