You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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