So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
it was like his penis was on wheels.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
