If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
