I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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