HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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