I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize