**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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