bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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