I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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