He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
