you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
