Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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