she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
