is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
