I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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