totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
