he wants to bone in the snuggie
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize