We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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