You really coming over, don't trick.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize