All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
