Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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