Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
