great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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