Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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