i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
