I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
