Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
