It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
