I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
