i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
