I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
