Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
