he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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