I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
