Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Randomize
