I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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