i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
