Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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