Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Randomize
