Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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