Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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