you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
