Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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