all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize