me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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