He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
