My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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