9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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