my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
