Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize