she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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