So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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