i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
