Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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