tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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