I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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