that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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