He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
