oh god the rape fog is back!
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize