Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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