Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
