His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
