we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
