areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
