Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
