i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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