apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
