I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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