i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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