I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
