it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize