I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
