i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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