Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
