I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
he laminated a picture of his dick.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize