I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
