FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize