Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
