That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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