it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
