What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize