You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
