I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
