I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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