You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
