I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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