did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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